We are all the same people.
With sinning hearts that make us equal.
Here is my hand, not words said desperately.
It is not our job to MAKE anyone believe.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Driving 80mph in a 50....

The story of my life I do believe.

I feel like I'm going 80 in a 50 and can't wait for the next red light.

I went down to Galveston again this week with the family in search for a quiet, relaxing place to find answers. I didn't get to stay long... but I didn't really have to cause I found the answer I was looking for a lot sooner than I thought I would. It was nice.

Now I just need to send the email that will no doubt change my life. I've got it all wrote out in my head but will I have the courage to type it and even more to send it? I like to think I will but who knows..

I drove home on 59 today. It was a very pleasant drive and some of the trees were already starting to change colors. I was listening to Sports Talk with David Smoak and that along with the Fall-like tree colors made me extremely ready for football! One more month!!
The Big Tuna seems to be getting things in order over in FL. I'm happy for him but I don't know that I'm going to like it as much if he actually has a winning season.
I want so bad for this to be the year for the Cowboys! We shall see.
We have more depth this year and a lot of passion, I love it. :) Our line looks strong, our receivers are fast and our TE's are out of this world! Bring on Cowboys football season, baby!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


The continual act of unconditionally putting the needs of others before your own.

Just thought you should know.

Monday, July 28, 2008

So, are you ready to shake things up?

Why is love only talked about in a marriage standpoint?

Is that really the only time you can show or experience true, Godly, unconditional love?

I've been thinking a lot about love this past month mostly because the biggest example I had in regards to that characteristic came from my grandmother and she is now gone.
I'm trying to figure out what she knew to make her the woman she was. I want to know so I too can use the knowledge she possessed. I would like to think I am capable of loving unconditionally but do I? I would like to. I think it is necessary and something worth more than I realize at this point.
According to the world apparently I don't know how to love...or can't yet because I've come to the conclusion the only way to show love in the manner I am referring to is within the bonds of marriage of which do not currently exist in my life.
But I think going beyond what the world thinks of love would be best. And to go beyond the idea of love I've created on my own and to the love God would have me experience and show I think would be even better.
It's truly amazing how my Lord works. I've been going through this search for the meaning of love for weeks now and just when I was about ready to say 'forget it, I'll finish this later' God sent me this guy that wanted to talk about love too. I have no doubt in my mind that this was God's plan and I am grateful and more than willing to give Him the praise for it.

I want to know the real meaning of love and I'm not really meaning love in a romantic way. That will come in time but for now it's not the kind of love I want to know inside and out.

I can't wait to finish school so I can travel the world! But I think I need to understand 'love' before I can do that. I don't want to just travel for pleasure. I want it to have a purpose. A purpose that can only exist after the meaning of love is discovered I'm afraid.
I have no doubt that God will give the understanding I need though.

I want to do more than just exist on this Earth. I want to save the world from itself or...or....I don't know. I don't want to go down in history or anything like that. I just want to do...something! Something with meaning, purpose, depth....just, something. Something more than what I am currently doing.
It's not that I'm bored and want to just spice things up. It's not that at all.
I just feel this strong, indisputable desire to go out and do something worth while.

I've changed my major so many times it's ridiculous but I just can't figure out what I want to do with my life. I want to learn everything, seriously, but I can't stay in school forever. What good would that do? And actually, if I were honest with myself I believe I learn more outside of school than in. I just need to figure out what major I want to have and go with it.

Enough learning in the classrooms, enough talk and idle thoughts of some grandiose future. I want to go explore the world and be humbled by my discoveries. I want to share what I've learned and start a revolution unlike any other. I want to do something!!
And I will.
But I need to discover the meaning of love before that can take place.

For now I'm stuck in classrooms and burdened with talk and thoughts. Soon my time will come and I will gladly go but for now, I am here. And I should desire to be here for no other reason than because it is exactly where I need to be.

Lord, give me understanding. Let me be humbled before You and desire to seek Your will for my future. Lord create in me the ability to wait but not be idle in my waiting.

Global Warming

Just in case you aren't the less than .0002587% of people who followed the conversation my mother and I had on Myspace I'll post it for you here.

The entire purpose of this blog is for people to have a better understanding of me and for me to perhaps look back over time and see how I've changed or otherwise stayed the same. So, adding this only gives you a better idea of me and my views which in this case I feel are worth mentioning.

My mom started off with this...

Striking up a conversation: So, what do you think about global warming?

To which I simply replied...

I just now remembered you 'were striking up a conversation' about global warming the other day and I never responded.
Of which my reply is as follows:
Without all the emotional drama added (ie. Global warming is gay, it's retarded and my personal favorite due to my utter dislike of the French; anyone who believes in global warming (hippies and libs) should all just be shipped off to France where they should, without a doubt, fit in nicely) I'll say this...There is little to no proof of global warming actually existing at the level in which we are made to believe. Yeah, so a little ice is melting...it happens and it will be okay, I promise.
Look at the planets history. Throughout the century's we have had dramatic climate changes and guess what?? The Earth is still thriving.

A little ice melts and suddenly the Earth will be covered in four feet of extra water....

Um, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong...(in other words, I'm not so don't even bother) but uh, just a few years ago we were hearing how in less than ten years we were going to run out of water and the world would be doomed. In fact it was going to be a huge cause for global war for the last remaining amounts of water and it was going to be nothing but mass chaos....what the heck?
You would think it would be a welcoming idea to have four feet of extra water across the Earth, Duh. Sounds like problem solved to me?!

That of course would be too easy and not at all the dramatic crisis the Left gets off on.
I think you can pretty much do what you want to 'protect the Earth' but guess what? If God whats to destroy this land He created, changing a few light bulbs (I'll get back to those in a second) and buying a bunch of worthless Carbon Credits isn't going to do jack squat.

Al Gore, you know the big guy who is starting all the hype about global whining...um, warming...His house uses more electricity, a huge producer of green house gasses according to 'top scientists', than most humans use in a month.

Did you catch that, cause it's important.

Yes, Lord Gore has a house that uses more electricity than most Americans use in a single MONTH!

He has really set the standards huh?

He has this thing for traveling as well. Guess what he travels around in.... a Hybrid car? Oh heck no, that man likes to travel in style baby! He has his own private jet and he uses it to get from one showing of his PowerPoint on global whining to another.

Hey, I say we take this moment to give Mr. Gore a round of applause... heck, lift up your glasses I would like to make a toast.
"To Al Gore, protector of the Earth, thank you for your top money making PowerPoint (money that could be used to help fight the cause in which it speaks of...ahem) that awarded you the Nobel Peace prize. It really helped open the eyes of the people to what is really going on with our Home. It helped raise awareness and we are now doing our part in preserving this great land because of your efforts. But do you mind not going home tonight, your house and private jet are destroying the Earth. Thanks."

Oh but he's got Carbon Credits to cover what he uses....bull. That's just another example of big government and how it's nothing more than a joke.
He can live in a smaller home and have some __insert inappropriate racial term here___ drive him around in a Hybrid. He doesn't have to travel in a fuel sucking jet and live in a TWENTY bedroom house in TN. Oh but rest at ease love, he also has a house in TX that is totally Carbon Neutral....

Two houses.

This man is ridiculous.

No wonder not everyone is taking this global warming bull seriously.

Not everyone is blinded by this mans slide show of depressing pictures and sad children's faces but some still are. In fact, all of Australia had to make a switch to those dangerous and costly florescent light bulbs.
You know, the ones that are supposed to cut down on the emission of green house gasses and ultimately save the planet?

An ENTIRE nation made the switch and the results were unbelievable.

Seriously, unbelievable.

.004% of a change in green house gasses.
Wow, I guess that makes Australia like Superman or something.
An entire nation and not even a ONE percent change. This, my friend is getting ridiculous.

So no, I don't believe in global warming and it is my opinion based on the above mentioned that global (whining) warming is just another scare tactic to help push the Lefts agenda. The Left, which I detest, mostly because of their love to temperorily destroying a nation all for the sake of winning elections but also for the sheer stupidity they all seem in favor of showing off.

And just to add a little humor, since you always say that its best to end on humor, I'll leave you with this...
According to a new U.N. report, the global warming outlook is much worse than originally predicted. Which is pretty bad when they originally predicted it would destroy the planet.

If that doesn't do it for you try these two...

Has anybody seen the Al Gore movie about global warming and the environment?
One very dramatic scene in the Al Gore global warming movie is when a glacier melts and they find more Al Gore ballots from the election.

Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment.
Yeah, the first chapter talks about how you shouldn't chop down trees to make a book that no one will read.

Good day. :)

Oh by the way.. I've come up with a way to help people who are struggling financially and don't want to just work a little harder in these times of America's "bad economic state". (we wouldn't be as bad off if we didn't have Libs like Chuck Schumer lying to everyone trying to scare them into thinking America, the most powerful and thriving nation on this planet, was crashing to the ground in burning flames!)

Set of a website where people can buy your unused carbon credits. That way you lazy libs who think its the responsibility of everyone else around you to take care of you and your seven kids can still make a living by doing what you're already doing. Eating food the working class is paying for and doing nothing all day but making babies for the previous mentioned to raise or cause trouble so that we can provide them with three meals a day, a roof and warm bed at absolutely no expense to them...sorta.
Hey, it makes sense to me.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Welcome to my mind....

It is on days like these that I feel like a very spoiled person.
I don't deserve the things I have but I wouldn't really want to give them up.
The house I am about to move into is being paid for by my grandad along with all the furniture, the really awesome sports car he is thinking about buying will be paid for by him as well, and pretty much anything to do with school is paid for by my other granddad.
I have no financial responsibilities except paying for gas.
I'm starting to feel very guilty.

It's almost depressing... I seriously cannot stress enough how unworthy I am to be living the life I've lived. Yeah, things are rough with my parents but honestly, other than that my life has been something that Hollywood couldn't even create.

I think the thing that makes it all worth it and better than anything in comparison is the love I've been shown and taught to show back.

Something that seems so simple to some yet unimaginable to others.
I had a conversation with like the coolest guy ever the other night about love....I couldn't even grasp what he was saying at first because as soon as I hear the word 'love' I think of my grandmother and how she showed me how to love through the life she lived. I don't understand people that can't love unconditionally so I had to step outside of myself to even begin to understand him and the idea he was presenting.

In it's most basic form: To love your enemies as if they were your best friend....again, for me it seems so simple yet I fully grasp the idea that loving that way does not come very easily for others. I grasp it but I can't understand why. If that makes any sense??

I wish I could remember this one line he said....I had every intention of writing it down for later use but the conversation tends to move rather quickly and there is rarely time for such a thing.
Oh well, life goes on.
It was a pretty profound statement though and probably worth the time to jot down.

I love having my intellect challenged...and I only say that because these past two nights of conversations are still in the very forefront of my mind and they have done little more for me than challenge my intellect. I love it!
It doesn't happen often as most people think very little outside of themselves so it's nice having conversations like these every now and then. It lets me know there is still some intelligence left in this world and that is always a joyous discovery.

I was reading some John Donne last night before bed and realized once again, just how much I love that man. I fall in love all over again each time my mind entertains his words. I really don't care for anything other than his poems though. I've tried his sermons but they just don't do it for me like his poems do.....

But anyway....Joci will be waking up from her nap soon and I want to get the house straightened back up again before she wakes up. I don't know why I am bothering with it though, she will have it back to a chaotic state within minutes! Oh well, it will make everyone else happy.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Joci, bed time and everything in between!

Sweet little Joci is at the house tonight. I love this kid beyond what I ever thought I could! It almost makes me want to cry thinking about it but that's probably just the girl in me. lol
She is sitting here next to me drinking my Orange Slush (I have no clue why I capitalized that) and talking to me. 'Talking' is a bit misleading--she is talking in her way and I honestly understand very few words but still enough that I can talk back to her. She is mostly laughing and then waiting for me to laugh back or mimicking everything I do and the noises I make. Typical for her age of course.

I will be glad to have children of my own but I am more than willing to wait! Now is not the time to have my own so in the mean time its nice being able to enjoy other people's kiddos. Especially my sweet little Joci...who by the way just finished off my slush and is now working on my mountain dew! lol

Oh my my my, she has stolen my heart. Since she was a few months old she has been staying with us every Saturday night and then going to church with us on Sunday...I cant wait to see the woman she becomes! It's always nice seeing her at church or hearing her answer when you ask if she wants to go to church to learn about Jesus. It is so precious!
She always puts a smile on my face and if you know me at all you know I love very few things more than smiling. :)

Random updates: The mountain dew is gone and now she is drinking 'Popper' (Dr. Pepper)....this kid needs some water!! Mom didn't let us have anything but good ol' H2O when we were kids. I had my first carbonated beverage when I was like 7. Water, juice and of course sweet tea were all I drank up until that point. Actually a LOT of things changed at that point. But oh well.

Currently, Joci is being taught the difference in money and colors. I'm refreshing her on counting from 1-10 in English and Spanish and perhaps later I will think of some way to join it all together in a fun game or something.

Update on school in the Fall: I don't think being a firefighter is a very practical job for me. Being a paramedic would be better I think. I applied to the program at Kilgore but it was already full so I have to wait till next Fall to reapply. I'm pretty bummed. They said it was full as of a week after the semester exams last Spring.....I'll know now to apply SUPER early! Like have my app. in the the day it opens up!

I guess that frees me up a bit for traveling. Now I just have to work around my work schedule but I'll be honest I really could care less as of now if I go out west in a few months or not. It's funny how feelings can change in a two week period. With things the way they are now I just really don't know what to think. It would appear there will be plenty of people keeping him company after returning so I'm not as determined to rearrange my schedule to be apart of it anymore...
I do believe that's enough of that topic for now though. That's really not something I want to spend a lot of time talking about at this point.

My bed (finally) came in today!! It is amazing! So is the comforter. It matches my walls and the rest of my furniture perfectly! :)
I am pleased at how well this house is coming along. Still wish I had a kitchen though! That is such a bummer but I'll get over it.
By the time it is totally finished most of my friends will have already started heading back to their respective schools and I will be here in Rusk with only memories and the hopes of more to come when everyone is home again for break.
This is of course the downside to commuting to school. Oh well, its like Robert Frost said, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."

Joci is playing at my feet. What better sound than a child's laughter or watching as the mind is filling with knowledge? I would love nothing more than for my husband to provide completely for our family so I can stay home with our kids. I want to keep them close and spend as many precious moments with them as I can! And when the time comes I will start to slowly let them go as I pray for the strength and ability to trust that God will keep them safe.
But why am I talking about marriage and children now?? I'm still just dating....and I suppose 'talking' although I'm not real sure I wish to continue with that now that I've started dating again. :/
I am still seeking God for the next step in that situation. He has given me guidance thus far and I have no reason to believe that will change.

I love my Lord. He alone sustains me and makes me whole. He is my everything, He is my all and without Him I am truly worth nothing....less than nothing. To say 'nothing' gives nothing meaning and without my God I have no meaning, thus I am less than nothing without Him.

He is my everything, He is my all.

It is time to start getting Joci ready for bed so I suppose now is a good a time as ever to end this. The joys of fighting a little girl that doesn't want to go to sleep....I welcome it though. (Plus, I'm not the only one dealing with it so that helps lol)

It's one of my favorite parts about babysitting though. (putting a kid to bed)
Sitting back with them in my lap as I open his/her mind with each page turned and word spoken....yes, I welcome bed time. (or sleep in general)
They may cry a while after I lay them down but going back and watching after they fall asleep is such a precious sight! And having that sweet little smile as they wake up and give that priceless first hug! Mmm. Yes, I welcome it.

I love this little girl. She has totally stolen my heart! This pic is from forever and a day ago...Im looking for a better on though. I actually took some tonight but it may be another year before I put them on the computer. I think I am the worlds worst about doing that. :/ Oh well

Friday, July 25, 2008

Is it time for football season yet?

I am seriously craving some football lately!
This is insane! It's almost all I can think about and I'm not totally sure why...

All I want to do is get comfy on the couch in my Aggies/Cowboys shirt and shorts and watch my boys rock the field!
Is it September yet? I'm getting tired of waiting for the season to start!

I'm bored with baseball now. Yeah, shock I know! But for whatever reason football has already consumed me.
Dave keeps talking about the Aggie football season and it's getting me freakin excited!
I'm going to be so sad when Dave leaves for A&M!!! He is like my bestest friend in the whole entire world!! Okay, well he's tied for first... ;)

We leave for the beach in four days!! :D
I can't wait to put my feet in that sand and feel the sun on my body! Mm!! I love the beach!

I baked Dave some cookies the other day...they looked great but they didn't have time to be eaten I suppose ;) No worries. I had fun baking them for him and decorating them. They looked so adorable!
I made my first cheesecake like a month ago and I think it was like the best ever!
I also made some cinnamon rolls for breakfast one morning that were gone in no time! I love that cooking and baking comes so easily to me! I think it's safe to say other people love it too! lol

Caleb didn't get to fight tonight. It was his MMA debut and the computers hadn't been updated since Bookers last fight so Caleb wasn't able to fight. Pretty sad actually. A lot of work was put into his training and he didn't even get to show it off. I love watching him fight! I've only seen him do Jui-Jitsu but I'm sure he's great at MMA as well. He is great at like, everything!

I'm having a hard time focusing on one line of thought so, sorry the subjects are so jumpy.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I didn't write this myself(wish I had) but I feel the same way and wanted to put it on here.

I was reminded today of the sacrifice our soldiers make for us each and every day!!

Soldier's and their families sacrifice more than words can express. Until you live through having a soldier in your family, you cannot begin to fathom what it feels like.

To face deployment, knowing your soldier (be it your husband, son, brother, uncle, cousin, grandson, friend) is going to face things that you will never understand is one of the hardest things I have ever done.

To see war torn faces come off an airplane finally back on U.S. soil looking to see who has come to welcome them home. Looking to see if life back home is still as he or she remembers it, only to have to face getting back on the airplane in 18 short days.

To see a soldier with tears streaming down his face when he sees a baby at the airport smiling knowing that he is leaving behind his 3 week old son that he has only gotten to see for 18 short days.

To see a wife cling to her husband every second that she can, knowing that tonight and the next however many nights, she will sleep in a bed without her husband on a tear stained pillow while hugging her husband's pillow praying that he will share that bed with her again.

You know, to us this may sound like a nightmare, but this is reality for these soldiers and their families. These brave men and women sacrifice more than we could ever imagine. They do it all for our freedom.

Every soldier I have talked to feels called to the military. It's a calling that has been placed on their life and it takes a special person to be able to carry the title of "United States Soldier" and it takes a special family to support these soldiers. These moms and others who protest the war on behalf of their fallen soldier makes me shiver!! Our soldiers are to be honored not humiliated. Operation Iraqi Freedom is not about making mothers happy, it's about fighting for our freedom that these people, who so blatantly attacked our country, so badly wants to rip from our hands. They would love nothing more than to see this country fail.

This country owes its freedom to these men and women who stand in the gap (literally) and fight for us. It it most saddening that lives have to be lost for us to gain freedom, but these men and women take pride in our country and they know that the cost of freedom is not free. I honor these men and women who have given their lives for my freedom.

Please take time today and everyday to say thank you to our soldiers, past and present. Prayer is the best thing we can do for these men and women and their families. When you see a soldier, acknowledge them, thank them, hug them, they need to know that they are supported by their fellow countrymen. If you know a soldier, thank them personally and let them know how you feel about them. Any encouragement they can get is needed.

Side note: This goes for more than just Soldiers...it's for the Airmen, Sailors and Marines as well. Thank you!

In case you were wondering...

all is now right in the world.
Or in my world at least. :)
Joel is working on fixing the rest of the worlds problems I do believe... ;) But for now my world is perfectly fine.
I am like way too excited to sleep...kinda sucks actually cause I have to be up in a few hours but oh well. I'm pretty sure I'll live if I don't get my full 8 hours.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Obama = Yuck! Gag! Excuse me while I go to the bathroom and throw up!

Okay, so the throw up part was a bit crude and not very lady-like, sorry. But seriously, I can't stand this guy.

Rather than urging people in our country to speak English, Obama wants us all to speak Spanish. (He can't.) Urging Americans to speak foreign languages is perfectly fine, but in context of his other views, this is an indication of where his head is. He would prefer to be running for president of a Western European country. He's embarrassed by America."

Obama wants our kids to learn Spanish. Fine and dandy. Let's teach them some other languages first: English, terrorism, Capitalism, and Marxist Socialism for starters.

When Obama looks for the source of evil in the world, he finds the United States, as when he blames us for Iran's missile test. Scary.

Have I ever mentioned how much I really don't like this guy?? Allow me to take this time to tell you.... I DON'T LIKE OBAMA!!

Here's an email I got the other day...at first I laughed but then I was like, "whoa, that's just scary cause it's true"

While suturing a cut on the hand of a Texas Rancher whose hand had been caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually, the topic got around to Obama and his bid for the presidency.

The old rancher said, Well, ya know, Obama is a 'post turtle'.

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked, 'What is a post turtle'?

The old rancher said, When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain.
'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he sure as heck doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there and you just wonder what kind of an idiot put him there in the first place.'

Hmph. I do not like Election 08. Do not like it at all.
Gr! And this is my first year to vote for the leader of our nation. I have seriously been looking forward to this since I was like 8 and now I'm just disappointed. :/