We are all the same people.
With sinning hearts that make us equal.
Here is my hand, not words said desperately.
It is not our job to MAKE anyone believe.

Monday, December 29, 2008

To whom it may concern

Re: The person in Centereach, New York who came across my blog via a search of stethoscopes

Send me an email [Lparsons11@gmail.com] if you found the answer you were looking for. Also, if you invested in the Littmann I'd like to know what opinions you now have of it.


Thursday, December 25, 2008

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Ooohhh Fuuudddge!

24 hours of A Christmas Story is like my second favorite part of Christmas, for sure!! Does it get much better?? =)

Monday, December 22, 2008

Donna: Daddy, do you wanna go with me to take this candy tray to the neighbors?
Pop: Nope
Donna: Well, if we don't take it to them they will just come here.
Pop: Oh, right.

lol I love those two!

Kris: Man, I'm never gonna get to eat!
Donna: Hey, that's the life of a woman!

hehe ;)
Donna: Here's a recipe that calls for 9 eggs!
Me: Wow, that's over half a dozen!!
Donna: Uh, yeah Lauren! Duh!
Kris: Yeah, thank you Jordan Beard for clearing that one up for us!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

this is such a friggin turn on, seriously.

If you really, really love me......

You'd get me this for Christmas ;)

Review Model 4100WS
3M Littmann Electronic Stethoscope Model 4100WS Technology advanced electronic stethoscope with sound analysis software offers amplification up to eighteen times greater than the best conventional Littmann stethoscopes. Superior acoustics combined with digital signal processing -- offering recording, storage and playback capabilities. Recorded sounds can be downloaded to an IBM-compatible computer and replayed allowing you to see, on the computer screen, exactly what you are hearing. Three frequency response modes - bell , diaphragm , and extended range . LCD display in chestpiece, including heart rate readout. Twenty hours of continuous use from two AAA alkaline batteries . Excellent acoustic seal and comfortable fit with patented 3M Littmann Snap-Tight Soft-Sealing Eartips. Comfortably angled, anatomically correct headset. Patient friendly, nonchill rim. Chestpiece sized for adult or pediatric patients.

The new Littmann® Electronic Stethoscope Model 4100WS has the same functions as the Model 4000WS, but with one significant difference; the Model 4100WS now incorporates 3M's new Ambient Noise Reduction technology.

This technology reduces distracting room noise by an average of 75% (-12dB) over the bell and diaphragm operating range. This stethoscope is uniquely equipped to help you pick up difficult-to-hear heart, lung and other body sounds even when the world around you is filled with distracting noise.

How Ambient Noise Reduction (ANR) works:
The proprietary Ambient Noise Reduction technology internal to the chestpiece, acoustically cancels out an average of 75% of distracting room noise, greatly enhancing overall utility. This acoustic effect is different from electronic filtering, which may also filter out some portions of body sounds clinicians need to hear.

For now, I am here.

Why is love only talked about in a marriage standpoint? Or a better questions would be why the explanation of marriage is the only answer people can give me when asked to describe love....

Is that really the only time you can show or experience true, Godly, unconditional love?

I've been thinking a lot about love lately mostly because the biggest example I had in regards to that characteristic came from my grandmother and she is now gone. In leaving this Earth I no longer have that constant example to look to when I need answers or examples of how to react to things. Thus, I'm left to figure out what she knew in order for me to continue on. (I'm guessing that made little sense....)

I'm trying to figure out what she knew to make her the woman she was. I want to know so I too can use the knowledge she possessed. I would like to think I am capable of loving unconditionally but do I? I would like to. I think it is necessary and something worth more than I realize at this point.

In search for my answers I've discovered, according to the world I apparently don't know how to love...or can't yet because so far I've found the only way to show love in the manner I am referring to is within the bonds of marriage of which do not currently exist in my life. This is the worlds way of seeing things though.....

I think going beyond what the world thinks of love would be best. And to go beyond the idea of love I've created on my own and to the love God would have me experience and show I think would be even better.

It is truly amazing how my Lord works. I embarked on this seemingly endless exodus for the meaning of love and just when I was about ready to say forget it, I'll finish this later God sent me this friend that wanted to talk about love too. I have no doubt in my mind that this was God's plan and I am grateful and more than willing to give Him the praise for it.

I want to know the real meaning of love and not so much the meaning of love in a romantic way. . . That will come in time but for now it's not the kind of love I want to know inside and out.

I can't wait to finish school so I can travel the world. But I think I need to understand 'love' before that can happen. I don't want to just travel for pleasure. I want it to have a purpose. A purpose that can only exist after the meaning of love is discovered I'm afraid.
I have no doubt that God will give me the understanding I need.

I want to do more than just exist on this Earth. I want to save the world from itself or.....or....I don't know. I don't want to go down in history or anything like that. I just want to do....something. Something with meaning, purpose, depth....just, something. Something more than what I am currently doing.
It's not that I'm bored and want to just spice things up. It's not that at all.
I just feel this strong, indisputable desire to go out and do something worth while.

Enough talk and idle thoughts of some grandiose future---I want to go explore the world and be humbled by my discoveries. I want to share what I've learned and be used to start a revolution unlike any other. I want to do something!!
And I will.
But I need to discover the meaning of love before that can take place.
For now I'm stuck in classrooms and burdened with talk and thoughts. Soon my time will come and I will gladly go but for now, I am here. And I should desire to be here for no other reason than because it is exactly where I need to be.

Lord, give me understanding. Let me be humbled before You and desire to seek Your Will for my future. Lord create in me the ability to wait but not be idle in my waiting.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Trev: Get your gun we're going huntin'
Me: Oh? And what are we hunting this time?
Trev: Ducks and baby deer.
Trev: ::rolls eyes dramatically:: Don't worry, it's not for real. You have to pretend with me.
Me: Ahh, I see.
Trev: And we aren't shooting any baby deer. I'm going to rope them and give them to you for pets. Now, look in the sky and yell at me to fire if you see any ducks fly by, okay?

Trev: So here's what we're gonna do..... I'm going to the store to get my girlfriend a present then we're gonna sneak into her room and I'm going to give it to her while she's sleeping. You have to be very, very quiet. This is a surprise.
Me: Of course.
[we sneak into Tresa room with his present]
Trev: I'm going to give her a kiss, okay?
[I suppress my laughter]
Me: Okay, that's really sweet.
Trev: Yeah, I'm a good boyfriend to her cause she's a good girlfriend.
[again I fight the urge to giggle at his cuteness]
Trev: Okay, we can go now but don't wake her up on your way out. She is going to be so surprised when she sees I was here.

[in the car on the way home from school]
Trev: It's almost Christmas, did you know that?
Me: mhmm, are you excited?
Trev: yes ma'am, I wish it were Christmas everyday.
Me: Oh really? Why is that?
Trev: Cause Christmas is Jesus' birthday.

Isn't he adorable?? :]

Friday, December 19, 2008

Clear nights and open roads

Today was a great day. Why? Because I learned a little and grew some as well.

I went with mother to Tyler as soon as Kris left for a day full of pushing her mind and expanding her realm of knowledge.....oh wait, she goes to public school so I really doubt any of that actually happened. :sigh:

I got some new toys from Best Buy and mom did a little Christmas shopping for everyone. It was fantastic.

Afterwards I had to pick T-man up from school (not public...stories are soon to come that will explain further why I despise public school) then take him home till Tres or Trey got there.

So I take mom home, help her get everything out of the car, straighten up the house a bit, then pick up Trev. From the time he got in the car until I left him a few hours later he was a non-stop fountain of knowledge. It was....well, fun. I honestly enjoyed every second of listening to him spout out the things he's learned recently in preschool. Heck, at one point during a movie we were all watching Tresa asked, "I wonder if this could actually happen in real life? That would be really cool."

His response, "No! Duh! This movie is fiction!"


Tres and I looked at each other.....


Then we looked at Trev.....

He's THREE!! lol

This kid amazes me to no end! Seeing what having a 2:6 ratio of teachers to students has done for him has really further encouraged me to homeschool my kids (should I ever have any). But my breaking point came this afternoon....

The final brick in the wall that I've been slowly building over the years around my public and homeschool beliefs.....

Kris sent a twitter after one of her finals today that said, "English test was easy cheesy! We got to use our quizzes...guess what? The test WAS our quizzes!!"

How freakin pathetic?? She didn't have to study a darn thing. No research. No effort. Nothing. She walks away with nothing.

I've had it both ways and I believe without a doubt homeschool is better.

So then comes the argument: "Homeschooling your children makes them unsocialized!" Uhm, for starters...have you even looked up the word "unsocialized"? Yeah, didn't think so. Secondly, I know plenty of homeschooled children that are perfectly well rounded and fit in just fine. I feel as though socializing is something the parents should emphasize and teach. Set up play dates at a young age, encourage your child to be social. It's a learned process just like most others.
And the second verse to that same song could very easily be summed up in two simple words...Tim Tebow . Yes, Tim Tebow, QB for the Florida Gators. He was homeschooled and look at his life now. (Google him if you don't know his story)

Why am I even arguing this point? eh, I don't know.
Moving on..

So, to the point.. After leaving Trev's house I concluded I had very little desire to be home so soon so I drove around town looking for something to do. After realizing what a sucker I was for thinking there would actually be something to do in Rusk, I stopped my search and ended up just driving around aimlessly. But even that got boring so I raised the stakes a little. I was already headed to Alto, unaware of the fact I do believe, so when I saw the sign to Linwood I formed an idea. First, let me explain something.... I've never successfully driven in the dark by myself through the path I'm about to take. The path you ask? From 69 headed to Alto, through Linwood, then through Atoy and back to Rusk. I am forever getting lost! I know, to most it seems like a simple route but without fail, I get lost every time I try.

So, I've got the sun roof open and Wisin & Yandel turned up, it's just me and the open road. What a rush. Okay, not so much on this journey (due to external factors, namely: mom and my intense fear of my actions causing her to worry).

Long story shorter since I no longer have any interest whatsoever in this post, I made it home safe and sound. Boring right? yeah, I agree. So let me tell you the good part then be done with this.

On the way home I had been trying to send a text to an out of state friend of mine but being that I was still driving in the middle of no where, I had absolutely no service. Also, in build up to the short story, I'd like you to factor that after all the driving around I did pre-Linwood, it's been close to 35 mins since I left t-man and Tresa's house (about 10-15 mins away from my home) and Mom knew that. I knew she would be concerned and that was something I tried to avoid when at all possible.

Here I am in the middle of basically nowhere with no usable cell phone and the thought of a worrying mother at home, coupled with having to fight the urge to drive faster not only for the rush but to get home (or somewhere with service) so I could ease my mothers mind....

That of course takes the fun out of my clear night and open roads.

But then out of nowhere I hear that gay noise my phone makes when I get a text.... pleasantly surprised I look down at the phone sitting in my lap to make sure it hadn't just been wishful thinking. Nope. 1 New Message.

Mom sent me a message at the exact time I had enough service to receive it. (I know because I checked the time stamp on the message to make sure she hadn't sent it half an hour before and been worrying ever since) The message said, "You left at 5:45. Where are you? Im worried." Classic mom.

So I responded with a quick (since I'm on 343 at this point) "Im fine"

"k. wanted to make sure you werent in a ditch" Again, classic mom.


"Okay then, back to my Tyler" (she was watching UNC)

And I was back to enjoying the open roads.

As soon as I finished reading mom's last message I went to my text I had been trying to send since I set out on this (now seemingly pointless) journey and pushed resend. As luck would have it I no longer had service.

Funny thing is, I no longer cared. I was in the middle of a valley , with dense woods on either side of me when I got that message from mom. There is no logical reason I should have had service---none. But then again, who needs logic when you have faith. ;)

Coincidence? Luck? Call it what you want, I say I have an amazing God who is mindful of what's going on--always.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Glenn Beck was rockin!

I FINALLY got to meet Glenn! I've listened to him since I was 16 and wanted to meet him shortly after having realized how awesome he was. I honestly can't believe it finally happened!

As most of you know, Mom was having surgery that same day so I wasn't sure how it was all going to work out. We had to be at the hospital around 7:30 Thursday and the surgery was scheduled for 9. It was an hour and a half procedure and the recovery that was soon to follow could have lasted anywhere from 30 minutes to the following day... so we were told. It would just depend on how Mom responded to everything. A few summers ago when she went under for gastrointestinal stuff it took 3 hrs for her to recover from the anesthesia but we were all (esp me) hoping it wouldn't take that long this time..

Long story shorter, Dr. Duncan finished 30 minutes early but the recovery time ended up taking muuucch longer than we hoped. . .

We didn't leave the hospital until 4:15. . .

Glenn was scheduled to be at Hastings at 5. . .

I had a problem.

In hindsight it was no big deal. I had to wait a lot longer in line then I would have liked but in the end, it was more than worth it. This guy behind us in line, Joel, told us he was one of the first people in line but had been there since 1:30... He had got back in line with his friend after Glenn had already signed his book. (he was on KETK too! That was fun.)

There were hundreds of [the nicest] people there along with David Smoak (I will never get over how young he looks! lol Hes almost 50 but he looks like he's just in his late 30s) and KTBB who was doing promotional stuff and passing out food and whatnot.

I was surprised when it was my turn to have Glenn sign my book, at how soft his hands were. lol

And he had the warmest smile! He looked down at my Border Patrol shirt (surprisingly I didn't see many people there wearing any of his merchandise) then reached out his hand, smiled and said thank you. I'm not even sure if I said anything back.. lol between the surprisingly soft hands, the gentle smile and the fact that I had just met Glenn...my brain was kinda like on auto-pilot I think.

It was too busy in there for a conversation or anything but I hope I at least said your welcome or thank you or SOMETHING back! lol

There was a guy from the Beck Team that said he could sign 600 books in an hour.

and I'm guessing this is why! lol

Afterwards I took some more pics then went to grab a bite to eat and finally, after having been up since 4AM.... I went home for some much needed sleep!

I was out in minutes!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Glenn is better than crack!

In one day and 3-ish hours I will be standing in the same room as this guy here-->

I'M STOKED! I've wanted to meet him since I was like 16! And I can't believe I actually get to in less than two days. It's fantastic.

This is what I'll be wearing.... His fundraiser shirt for Agents Ramos and Compean

and I'll have him sign this....

pics from last night

Look what happened!!!!
I got my snow!!! =)
It only lasted about 10 minutes and nothing stuck to the ground, but it's still snow and much better than nothing!
The flash on my camera really made it show up well! =)
I was so pleased!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Watch it, you know you want to...


This show is gonna be fantastic! Just what I need too.... another show to record every week. (note the sarcasm) Honestly though, I really am kinda excited about it and I know Rick is too cause of the Coast Guard! lol

Monday, December 8, 2008

Joy beyond words

I am simply overwhelmed by grace. By joy. By rest.

Today is a day of rejoicing! I am free in Jesus because he broke me. It took so long, too long, for me to get to this place. But I am here. Only because of Jesus.

I have been searching for contentment for a long time. It seemed like I was drowning while waiting for true joy, but I didn't fervently try to rise above the waves. Honestly, I've been comfortable in this somewhat melancholy and mediocre life I've been living for the past year. God has been drawing me to something bigger, but I didn't fully accept His offering. So I held onto some walls that were between God and I. I hid behind them, I painted them, made them look pretty good, but they were still solid walls. Jesus loved me fiercely and challenged me during this time, but I still didn't rest in His ideas of joy.

As I began to face these barriers between Jesus and I, my heart started to soften. I was realizing the extent of my selfishness. I was clearly seeing the "stuff" I needed to give completely to God. And then today, oh what a day, it happened. I was quiet...finally, quiet. I knew that I was ready to change my attitude and my focus. So, as simple as it sounds, I did. God took all the junk that's been clouding my image of him, put it out of my hands, and I finally let him.

I can't get over this joy! I'd been begging God for joy, asking others to do the same for me. But today was different because I let go of fear...of control. Wow!!! I am here, Jesus. I'm here, content and ready for You. I sensed You were preparing me for something this year, and I now understand your faithfulness so much more. Even if this understanding of joy is Your big thing, that's more than enough. But God, if You want more of me, challenge me. I'm ready, willing, and excited about this new-found, newly-understood part of who You are. Teach me to love like You love and to want what You want. I am amazed by You.

With a title like "Count It All Joy," I wanted to sing its truth last night, but I couldn't yet. Then today, after spending time with Jesus, I began to hum this song. We are burdened, broken people. We are undeserving. We are beautiful because of Jesus. Let's count it all joy. Joy, joy, joy! Thank you, Jesus. You are the giver and maker of joy.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

The day is cloudy and the wind is bold. Dress up warmly, you mustn't get cold!
Put on your coat and zip it up tight, put on your left boot, put on your right.
Put on your scarf and put on your hat, put on your mittens and clap-clap-clap!
Go outside and play and play. Come in again, and then we'll say-
Take off your coat that was zipped up tight,
take off your left boot, take off your right.
Take off your scarf, take off your hat,
take off your mittens, and then take a nap!

I sure do wish it would snow here!!!!

[[Watch the video]]


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Father-- you know best!

I won't write too much, being that it's late and tomorrow's a big day, but I do want to document something God did in my heart tonight.
We serve a gracious, loving, empowering Father. After hearing mom replay what had happened today in her doctor visit I realized tomorrows plans I had made would have to be put off or cancelled completely, pushing me even further behind. I was feeling anxious and disappointed and then really, really down on myself because I hadn't been more content with the change for the sake of my mother. Selfishness is something I've been really struggling with lately and once again I had let it win.
After that, I felt God's push for me to go spend some alone time with Him. More desperate for Him than ever before, I went to my room, spread my Bible and journal out before me, and waited. Come on God I thought. Just speak to me, tell me what you want from me. As I should have known, it wasn't that easy, and I praise God for stretching me.
Sitting with God, seeking Him in his word, and resting before Him was just what he wanted from me. It was so simple! I have been trying so diligently to figure out what I've been missing, and God had been asking me to just rest. He wants me to just rest before Him, get away from myself, and focus on Him. Tonight, as a result, I am choosing to rest, pursue God, and stop thinking so much about myself. How do I stop this prideful habit of putting me before all else? I'm making it a daily prayer, asking others to keep me accountable, and practicing writing about anyone but myself. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.

What can I give Him?

What can I give him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
If I were a wise man, I would do my part;
Yet what I can I give him: give my heart.

These words are simply amazing. I have to say that this song is my favorite at Christmas. I love the praise it gives Jesus, and still, it challenges me to be humble before Him. I've been battling with a lot lately; a lot of inner pain and discontent. I realized how little I was trusting Jesus and how little time I'd been spending with Him. And then, I discovered how great my doubt had become. I was no longer seeing Jesus in His majesty. As God began to soften my heart and reveal this to me, He reminded me of this song, In The Bleak Midwinter. I am so in awe of how God knows me. He is this powerful, beautiful King, yet He wants me to sit with Him as His child. Wow. Oh man, I still have so much to learn.

And today, I have been physically stretched. My body is exhausted, but I am completely content. Maybe it's the joys of Christmas, the decorations popping up everywhere, carols filling my room, the bite in the crisp winter air. Or maybe it's the hope of Jesus, a man humbly entering earth as a baby and holding His sovereignty at the same time. I love this Jesus of ours. He is good. So good. And He gives us rest. He gives us joy! He gives us people to love us, challenge, and enjoy us. Thanks for this time of year, Jesus. I love the simple joys of Christmas, but mostly, I love better understanding Your love for me.

Resting in Him

These last few days have been very emotional for me. Things are changing all around me: family, friends, passions, etc. and I'm just drained. Within all this, though, I have so enjoyed seeing God carry me. He is sparking little fireworks inside me-love for people, love for rest, and combining the two. I'm so ready to move in January. I will soon be livinging in an environment where my comfort level will drop dramatically, and I cannot wait. I know how good God is. He loves me and wants to spend time with me. Man, I love that. So, I'm tired; physically, emotionally, mentally. But I'm resting in Him. And it's so good.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Quick update

I wish I had a good book to read. Why you ask? Well, Mom is back in the hospital and books are always come in handy when youre waiting on results and whatnot. Lots of problems this time, none of which I could give justice in explaining with the time I have to write this.
I'll update better when I have more time.

I finished The Christmas Sweater a few days ago and I must say, even with the expectations I had given it, it was still 1ooo times better than I thought it would be. I'm anticipating meeting Glenn even more now and cannot wait to see The Christmas Sweater- ENCORE in a few weeks!

I worked with Jacob and Jared all day today and it was awesome! Gosh I love those kids! And it's not just those two, it's the entire school setting that I just can't get enough of! When we were letting the kids go to their buses at the end of the day this little boy came up to me and gave me this snowflake I had watched him make. It was so adorable!
I passed one of the teachers in the hall after I dropped the kids off at lunch and she smiled and said she was glad I was feeling better ( I didn't even know she knew I was sick). That totally made my day... or helped make it. The entire day was just amazing. This is like the greatest job in the whole entire world. I'm convinced of this and you would be hard pressed to make me feel otherwise.

Anyway, I've got to get to the hospital. Mom is over there alone and I don't like that (I'm sure she doesn't either).
Catch me on Twitter later for quick updates.


yes, yet another poem

Those Nights

My mind
Races faster than my pen
I could write the greatest poem
The world has ever known
If only
My fingers
Were faster
Fast enough
To catch the thoughts as they come
My pen in rhythm
With the beats
Of my heart
My overflowing
Pouring out emotion
Faster than my pen can set it down
The ink flows like blood
Coursing with feeling
Not flowing fast enough
Before emotions
Are lost
They pass
Those are the nights
I feel I could write
Something that is
A good poem
A great poem
Something that is great
Is not one of those nights
It is one of those
Other nights
The pen
Is heavy
And slow
And every
Is a labor
My pen would love to race on
If the ink starts flowing
Let it flow
My mind
Thoughts come too slow too
Lines are disjointed
I wonder why
Ramble, ramble, ramble
The writing continues
But the words mean nothing
I'm rolling a ball up a hill
To see it roll behind me
The ink
Dries up
Waiting for a thought
Like a wound
That's when it really hurts
Still the poem tries
Even though its dying
With sporadic
That are so painful
This is one of those nights.

Another poem

My foot rests on the brake
Hands tightly grip the wheel
Reluctantly, I release
My foot flinches to the right-
ready, but scared
It puts pressure on the gas
and I am moving forward

Steadily, I flow into a world unknown to this heart
The complete sense of peace overwhelms my smile


All I have sought,
yet never before enjoyed this much
Leaves dance around swaying trees
Sondre soothes my ears
This is bliss

There was no plan-
no premeditation-
no goal
Just foot to pedal
Foot to pedal
And I was off
Onto a road of joy
of rest and of peace

You are the greatest Giver
The greatest Mover
Thank You
An Untitled Poem

Hold my hand
Grab it in yours and lead me
Take me through the woods
Through the trees
The falling leaves
Through the darkness

Apart from you
I stumble
I run aimlessly
Through trees
Through the falling leaves
Through the darkness
I long to follow
I trip
I get lost
You hold my hand
Even in my weakness
You intertwine my fingers in yours
Squeeze tightly
Warmth fills my body

I had to reach for that hand, though
You offered-
I grabbed, accepted
Pursuing your hand
Your heart
I want to know
And follow hard after you

Forgive my wandering heart
My hand that seeks another
In my self-love
I have become lost

Become greater
Make me less

Hold my hand, dear Jesus
My Romancer
And Pursuer
I will follow
I want
to want
to follow

And run after you