Summer of Growth.

Sitting in youth tonight (which was great, btw) I realized this is the summer of growth for me. I'm growing mentally, socially, and I'm growing closer to God--what a general phrase, cliche. Let me break it all down.

I was laying in bed two nights ago thinking about where my life is going, the short and long, and I decided this is it. I get this one shot at life, this one chance to be used for something greater (something I want but never really end up putting much effort into)but what difference am I really making? (what youth doesn't ask that at some point? lol) When I first started school last semester I prayed God would use me to change that place (see previous posts). To wake that place up to what God wanted for us all, but as the semester raced on my desire to be His tool slipped more and more. And more quickly than I realized the semester was coming to a close and I hadn't made much of an impact. I was so down on myself....some of you whom I went to school with may have noticed my absence, not just in the classroom, but in conversations, in the general company I usually kept, from the library, ect..
I ran, retreated to the bright new worlds my books took me and the comfort of my bed. For about a week I didn't go to hardly any of my classes, I just stayed in my room and thought, slept, cried and eventually started praying. I felt guilty (Satan's tool) and worthless and it took what seemed like ages to get over.
But I finally did get past it all. I spoke with my sister, with whom words could never describe, about everything I was going through--my thoughts, feelings, hopes and despairs and I asked that she would pray with me. Oh, what a blessing that young woman is!
A few days later my roommate mentioned a girls bible study she wanted to start next semester and asked if I would be interested in it. In short,.........duh! lol

Tonight I decided I am not letting the rest of my time at JBC go to waste. Yes, I am sure I will stumble. I am not so naive as to believe otherwise but this is the summer of growth. I am going to let God grow me. I am going to let Him mold me. I am His and when I fall, and I will fall, He will be my aid in getting back up, in dusting off and moving on.
Am I totally ready right this second? No, not really. There are still things I think I have to learn this summer in preparation for what is to come. Will I be ready when the time comes? You better believe it.

As far as the mental growth I have been doing this summer (and it kinda relates spiritually): Tonight I also decided to stop letting Satan make me feel guilty about what happened a few months ago. I am afraid the distance is still something I will not budge on though......
No more secret friendships for me. Talk to me in person and then perhaps I'll answer your texts... just saying...

In regards to the social growth: hmmm....actually that one is a bit more involved. I'll save it for another time perhaps.

I had a post on here not too long ago that opened with something about how when God is working in you it seems like everything else around you is also focused towards what God's doing.....yeah, that's happening lately and it feels.....indescribable.


Okay, that's enough of an update for now. I have a book or two calling my name and it's far too tempting not to answer ;)